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March 22, 1985

The town of Carbondale is still reeling from an explosion involving a soda truck and the local toy factory — with ripple effects quickly spreading to neighboring towns and beyond.

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It all started when a 53’ trailer carrying 1,800 cases of canned soda pop was headed south on Bubble Blvd. and the driver lost control, crashing into Plush and Lush Toy Company.

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But what has the town talking is what happened to the toys. Residents report that — miraculously — the formerly soft, cuddly stuffed animals appear to have transformed.

 Dude, it’s like the rascals guzzled the soda down or something, I’ve never seen anything like it. They went from plush-y to, like, not… like their fizzics changed or something. Space Invader-type stuff. It’s crazy.  -Carbondale local
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Plush and Lush Toys has confirmed its entire inventory has been converted. The company is currently working with local officials, who are asking that residents remain on the lookout for the critters, which prefer to travel in packs of six, and that you do not drink soda of any kind in public: “Early encounters indicate they are unpredictable… and for this reason, we advise you to put safety first while we assess the situation.”

 
IMPORTANT UPDATE!!!
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March 24, 1985

Carbondale is no longer an isolated incident; reports of crazy, unexplainable events are sweeping the nation. It appears that, as of this morning, 347 similar incidences have led to an influx of jittery, energetic toys in factories across the nation. They appear to be here to stay, calling themselves a carbonation.

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