Once upon a time, this run-of-the-mill rat lived for dumpster diving and the occasional chew on electrical wiring, just for a kick. But these days, that’s not enough. Since his first sip of soda, he’s become a lawless, peg-legged pirate with a taste for treachery on the high seas. Should you see him on the horizon, hide your booty!
Vicious Dog Sparkling Water
This pooch lived in the lap of luxury, lounging in a home stocked with organic steak, designer leashes and spa services. But the soda explosion changed all that. Now he’s lapping up unfiltered (gasp!) water from a toilet bowl, running with a rowdy pack and ripping apart those unfortunate enough to cross his path.
Once life held the promise of championship rings and scoring both on and off the field. But since his encounter with the contents of that soda truck, his muscle situation has deteriorated, leaving this former jock shuffling around searching for brains rather than babes.
Since his run-in with some highly caffeinated beverages, he’s become one tweaked-out kitty. All his friends want is for him to take a timeout on the texting. “Hey! I just spotted a laser! Man, I feel like I stuck my tail in an outlet. Oh, snap – a hairball! BRB. BYOB. BLT. BACON!
Bone Crusher Rootbeer
Our boy Bone Crusher once lived a life full of joy, always looking forward to being burped and coddled, and always able to bring a smile to the faces of even hardened criminals. But since “the incident,” that innocence is gone and a timeout won’t cut it – because now he’s the hardened criminal. Keep a close eye on those purses, ladies.
Formerly cute and cuddly, this little guy has changed his tune to something much more sinister. With a smile on his face, he aims to befriend humankind, gleaning our knowledge and resources before we are beamed up to meet his leader… who has some very probing questions to ask.